_{(this is a repeat of the journal at my art account, so if you've read it, there's no need to read this one...)}

Ok, I've had so many people asking me over the past several months when I'm moving and I've kind of piddled around with some vague answers, but not really given a direct response. You knew my mom was sick and I've had other family with illnesses, which was a big part of why we were leaving, but what was holding us up? Perhaps it seemed like we were waiting for something to happen? We were, but I couldn't really tell anyone. Well, I'm ready to spill the beans. I've wanted to talk about it, but really needed to wait until it was a reality. I know some of you will probably stop coming around when you find out the entire story, but I don't really care. Anyone worth having as a friend would not be so shallow.

If, after you read this you feel like leaving me or Mr. Baq a snarky or negative comment, don't. Just go away, if you feel like that. If you wish to say nice things and show love and support, then Yay!

This story is about Mr. Baq, Jake as I know him, or ~Darren-Baq as he's known on deviantArt. I'll call him Jake here, as that's most familiar to me. Jake was addicted to heroin for many years and this story is about that addiction.

For most of the years we've been together Jake has been on methadone, an evil but legal substitute for opiates. Methadone is much more addictive than heroin and Jake has spent years trying to get free of it. He was getting close, down to 27 milligrams per day from 125 milligrams, at the highest, when he was kicked off the methadone program for something he did not do. Since he was at such a low dose they elected to detox him over 27 days rather than the 20 days normally given to people being thrown off. I'm sure it was just for the convenience of easier math.

Now, to digress for a moment, I realize that some, maybe many of you are saying to yourself, "if he wanted to be off methadone, why not just quit?" Remember how I said methadone was much more addictive than heroin? Well, heroin addiction is real, it's not simply a habit that can be easily broken. A physical addiction causes your body's chemistry to change so that you rely on the input of certain chemicals that replaces your body's own natural ones. Smokers know all about this. Heroin withdrawal involves intense anxiety, throwing up, diarrhea, loss of appetite, muscle spasms, sneezing, watering eyes, insomnia, and more, lasting up to a week, or so, for some of the symptoms, followed by about a week of weakness and more insomnia. Withdrawals can put a person in the hospital, often for dehydration. Methadone is like heroin withdrawal, but times 4 or so. Even after 27 days it's intolerable. If you don't believe me, ask your doctor.

Jake wasn't able to get into a detox center right away, so he ended up back on heroin after eight years on methadone.

He kept trying to get into detox, but he also had to keep his job.

After about a month, having cut down as much as possible and having not been able to get into a detox center, Jake decided he would just kick at home. I did everything I could to make him comfortable and stocked us up on jello, gatorade, chicken stock, anything he might be able to get down, though it might not stay down.

The first day wasn't too bad, he didn't even throw up much and was able to eat.

The second day was horrible. Nothing would stay down and he was so uncomfortable. It was so hard to watch, but I just kept telling him this was the worst it would get.

The third day was pretty bad, but it really wasn't as bad as the second. He still couldn't keep anything down, but he wasn't in horrible anxiety.

I think he quit throwing up around day five. It's been about a month now and he still sneezes here and there. He's starting to be able to sleep through the night. I'm so incredibly proud of him!

This is what's been holding us back, he's been wanting to be free of methadone, et. al. before we leave.

It's been a long, hard journey for him. Again, if you wish to say anything snarky, unsupportive, or negative, just move along, but hugs are always welcome.

We'll be moving around the start of August. We're thinking August 5th. We'll take the train to Chicago, then the bus to Springfield, Mo. I'm really looking forward to getting out of Seattle and traveling again.









In case you haven't seen, I'm having a Flower Emote Project where you can make your own flower - animated or static - to grow in a garden. The super spectacular unbelievably nifty flash file and background are provided by the most awesome =MenInASuitcase and the astronomically cool idea is thanks to the charismatic =BurgerBunny. If you need help getting started, or you have no idea how to make an emoticon, here are some resources and tutorials: Emote Tutorials and Resources. More can be found by searching the emote gallery, but those are my favorites.

So what are you waiting for? Get yerself started and let's see some flowers pop up in the garden!!! Here are some important links: The Awesomely Fun Flower Emote Project News Article!





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